When I look back on the years that I used, I always, always think of that chunk of time in my life as wasted. I just figured it was lost; I shot it all away. I didn’t progress or grow mentally or financially, and I only alienated myself further from my immediate family. Many faithful AA members add up the time that they used and automatically deduct it from their real age, and say that intellectually they are the age they’ve come up with. I totally see the logic in that. In that time, you don’t grow at all. Up until almost two seconds ago, I viewed my “druggy time” as wasted time. However, I was cleaning my room up a bit earlier today, and I found the Daily Reflections book that my cousin gave to me.
Here’s what it said for January 28th:
THE TREASURE OF THE PAST
Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God’s hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have–the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them.
– pg. 124, Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
This quote from both books (actually) showed me that I need to appreciate my past. I’ve really been coming to learn this notion lately. I can’t discount the fact that I used. I need to acknowledge the fact that I used drugs, and I actually need to be grateful for that time. Why? Because if it wasn’t for all that time of getting high, stealing, being in withdrawal, lying, cheating, deceiving, etc, I wouldn’t have gotten to where I am today — in a place of contentment and recovery. For the most part. I do wish, geographically I lived away from my father in all honesty. Me and him, we just don’t see eye to eye, and I don’t think we ever will. It’s getting harder for me to be around him. In spite of this, I am basically thankful I’m an addict-in-recovery, though.
Sounds crazy, doesn’t it?