ENTRY: Now Write it Out, Write it Out…

A few years ago, I remember being at a Tuesday night home-group meeting [AA] and I had decided to stay for a few minutes at the end to help with putting away some folding chairs.  One of the group’s more doughty members was actually this gravelly-voiced older woman named Tessa.  I ended up growing to truly admire her.  First off, Tessa’s hair had been so obviously dyed platinum-blonde (even though she was around 70-years-old), and her neck, wrists, and all of her fingers were completely laden with gobs of flashy costume jewelry.  I think normally this look would strike me as gaudy, but Tessa was so wise and wonderful, and her personality, in principle, far outweighed some random pendant around her neck.  Tessa was a very retrospective person in general; I had the sense that she prioritized documenting her own thoughts & emotions on a daily basis (or maybe even more often than that).  I soon found out in talking to her that journaling was a useful coping mechanism for Tessa, and that it was an activity that she did most definitely prioritize in her life.
ppsketchOFNevertheless, let’s get back to that first night when Tessa & I first spoke to each other.  So, upon finishing up chair duties for the week, I then engaged in a wonderfully deep conversation with this mature sage.  Ultimately, she presented me with a rather brilliant idea to write my own prayers as a way to enhance my own spirituality.  I thought it was the perfect activity for me immediately.  I genuinely have no difficulties when trying to examine my life on paper, even if there is a critical undertone.  (At least I’m not talking to myself in the mirror!  That’s how I consider this activity, if you want to know the truth!)  Moreover,  I felt like writing my own prayers would be a proactive and creative way to accomplish the overall goal I’d had of praying more.  Plus, those basic, wide-ruled notebooks even these days are still dirt-cheap.  This truly is not an expensive process at all.

Today, after feeling like I was over-working my brain and giving myself too hard of a time mentally (not unusual, which I’m sure you can tell), I decided to write a prayer about all this, as a way to ask my H.P. to help me to change my ways in all of this.  I wanted to share it with you.

“God-
Help me to be honest
With myself,
But to not become a villain,
reflecting self-hatred off
of my vulnerable soul

God,
Help me to become less analytic of myself and my
past actions,
As my mind begins to hurt.

God,
Help me to love myself with
the same amount of vigor &
faith I possess
In knowing
You love me.
Amen.”

I hope you like this.

God bless you;
Love,
Louis

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